how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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