good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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