I accidentally had phone sex last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
