Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
