thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
