so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
