If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
