As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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