Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
