i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it glows. i had to have it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
