he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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