my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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