remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
