I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
