I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
