WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
