is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
