That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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