We're facebook friends in real life
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.