I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.