Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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