I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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