i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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