She tied me up with her honor cords...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
