Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
