quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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