if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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