You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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