I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
