goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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