I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
