Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
