he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The feeling are messing with the penis
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
