I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
