not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
