so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize