Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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