i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
