Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
