Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
