the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize