we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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