bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
