At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
