I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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