Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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