I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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