you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
