Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize