It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
