his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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