moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
