tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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