My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
