How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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