I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
