Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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