Where did you get a picture of my penis
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
