it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
