So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
