I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize