you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dick very happy bro
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
