just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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