youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize