Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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