I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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