She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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